Nathy Peluso giving me the medicine I didnt know I needed. This performance is 1000% raw: I dont give a FUCK. Oh, to be in the embodiment of one’s fullest self. “Si me agacho sientes tú mi clítoris”
The Relationship to Trust & Intuition
💠💠💠 My intuition is 98.7% accurate 100% of the time. The challenge is trusting it no matter what the feared unknown outcome will be. The challenge is forgiving myself when I dont listen or am compelled to doubt the loud whisper. The challenge is having compassion for myself* and to give grace in knowing me not listening is sometimes because of loving intentions. That my humanness sometimes needs the physical evidence to support my intuition. Is this notion I feel Intuition or Fear? I know, I think I know the difference and how it makes me feel. I know, my relation to my trust issues have always shown itself when trust should not be given. Time will always show where others' value systems, lie. My relationship to trust. My relationship to faith. My relationship to trusting myself and the blessed gift of intuition. I thought I passed this stumbing block but here I am, tested and sunken deeper into the knowings of who I am. 💠💠💠 pic by @haloauragraphic
My Bloodline and I
☆☆☆ I was a bit nervous to do an interview and then to finally hear it. Though I wish I had elaborated a bit more on a few things to add clarification I honestly needed to have my own words and self reflected back to me. I also rarely speak about my ethnicity because I'm white passing and attractive and I'm keenly aware of the privileges I have been given. Perhaps to a fault even; however it has played a critical role in the discovery of who I am. Who Anahi Kristina Bustillos is. So grateful for this mirror and thank you @kimnoonan @multiracial_whiteboy for thinking my story is important to share. 🙏🏽💚 ☆☆☆
"Tryna fix myself for society Tryna mix myself for society But can you tell me where is love in anxiety?" Ms. Lauryn Hill
"Oh Dambala, Come Dambala..."
I first heard Nina Simone sing Dambala in 2016. In May, at the most righteous of timing I realized it was a cover and heard the original sung by Exuma, the Original Obeah Man. Dambala, the primordial creator of all life in Haitian voodoo is called upon. An evocative spirit song to call order and balance into existence. I at this time cannot imagine that good shall overtake evil but I believe we can arrive at balance. Justice. Harmony.
"Bring the trumpets from heaven
And the fire from hell
Then nobody can break the spell..."
a Spiritual Revolution
◇◇◇ We are told that America is a Democracy. It is reported that America has declined as a Democratic Nation, but we the people were never intentionally taught how to participate in a Democracy; at a local or national level. America has never been a functioning Democracy.
The first time I walked past the Police I debated whether to acknowledge them. At first, I was like nah Im gonna pay them no regard. Then I thought, no- Im gonna look’em in the eyes. You can see who are the machines, who is tired, conflicted, the good hearts and the ones who put on uniforms to exert ignorant power from poison. At a protest in Palmdale awhile back a cop had his rubber bullet gun pointed at bodies not more than 4ft away. I hollered as loud as I could, “Put the gun down!” The woman next to me joined “Put the gun down!” then everyone sang “Put the gun down!” And he did. Power to the People. The Apex in time when all those who have been Oppressed take their power back from the Oppressor.
The word Revolution draws flowers in my veins. When you speak of Revolution most think your being naive. Fair, but I do know that when we win a Revolution that if in the end, we find ourselves lost, depressed, numb or raging with anger then we didn’t win any Revolution. This is a Spiritual Revolution. Equal part fight. Equal part rest. Heal. If you rest, you do so knowing that that is a privilege.
As a pessimist in recovery I do have hope though. I do believe in the Power of the People. The Majority and all these wretched tragedies are needed as a catalyst for our collective bones to set afire. To keep breaking our hearts open ~~ keep us RAW not hardened but RAW and my dear God, it hurts ~~but alive I do feel. The Apex in the time when all those who have been Oppressed take their power back from the Oppressor. Even if thats ourselves. ◇◇◇
Petrolia 2019
Earthquake Kit!
Preparedness List
Don’t be overwhelmed. I mean you will be BUT this can be fun, like an apocalyptic camping trip or this can be a pain in the ass that is a financial investment. Either way you NEED to do it and you know you should. Please note this information has been gathered from numerous resources however you should always do your own research as well. It may be incomplete and it is only meant to be a starting point.
Consider making a bag for your car or work depending on where you spend the majority of time. You should adapt this kit for your health needs, budget, level of comfort and protection.
BEFORE YOU- comes the needs of children, elderly and our pets!
WATER, FOOD and MEDICINE are the necessary needs however if you’re like me and get cold easily add WARMTH. Most sources say to prepare for at lease 72 hours however considering our current administration, I mean regime, 1-2 weeks (or more) is ideal. Don’t pack expecting help will come immediately. I have bumped mine up to a week for my kitty and I, but still am missing a few key items.
I was given a premade bag for my car as a gift; which I added too. I have a backpack if I need to RUN that is accessible in my bedroom closet and a duffel bag in the hallway closet. I have 4 2.5gal jugs of water in the kitchen and have invested in a Berkey water system this year.
ALL ITEMS PURCHASED NEEDS TO BE OPENED, TESTED and RE-PACKED. IF YOU BUY PREMADE KITS WHAT IS MISSING??? I have neatly organized everything in zip lock bags big and small. No need to be extra frazzled in a chaotic time. Most supplies can be found at Goodwill, Army Surplus Stores and good ol Amazon. I’ve provided links to items I purchased or have looked at but again do your research for items that are suitable for you.
READY. SET. GO.
OPTIONS for WATER If water becomes unavailable the only water you will have is what is in your fridge, water heater and toilet. Remember we live in a desert and most of our water is piped in.
1 gal per person/per day my advice, prepare for at least a weeks worth of water if not 2. These are just options. I have (3) 2.5 gal water jugs with the spout at the bottom that is useful when you need water flow without having to hold the container. Note- all water in plastic will need to be replaced in about a year and a half.
STORAGE
ER Water Pouches (2 per day/5yr shelf life) buying in bulk is more cost effective
Blue Can Water (1per day/50yr shelf life)
Water Containers
https://www.thereadystore.com/water-storage/water-storage-containers
Water Bob
https://www.amazon.com/WaterBOB-Emergency-Container-Drinking-Hurricane/dp/B001AXLUX2
DISINFECTION
Boil water.
Non-Scented Bleach can be used to purify water. Write this formula in sharpie on the side of the jug: ". 25 tsp./gal”. Bleach has an expiration date and the concentration varies. (Unsettling banner at the top of EPA website.)
https://www.epa.gov/ground-water-and-drinking-water/emergency-disinfection-drinking-water
Water Filter
Water Purification Tabs
OPTIONS for FOOD be prepared for at least a week if not 2. If you choose to buy yummy canned food, grains, beans, etc. make a note in your Google calendar when your food expires and needs to be replaced, same for your pet food.
2 cans of food per person/day
Emergency Food Bar
Emergency Meals Survival Tabs
http://www.mypatriotsupply.com/emergency_survival_food_s/116.htm
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B014ER40MS/ref=ox_sc_act_title_13?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER
Energy Bars
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00SVX00NU/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=A8U7Y3KNKUMDS
Survival Tabs ewww
FIRST AID KITS all pre-purchased kits NEED to be opened. Most are missing imperative items such as aspirin. If you or anyone else in your care relies on medicine be prepared! Does their medicine need to be kept cold/frozen? Do you need cold packs? Have small kits at work, in your car and a large one at home. This is what I purchased, good price and had all the basics.
https://www.amazon.com/AAA-121-Piece-Road-Trip-First/dp/B000SL4A84
SANITATION IS KEY Items to add to kits:
Rubbing alcohol, bleach, surgical gloves, razor/x-acto blades, sewing needles, several tubes of liquid superglue, Neosporin, cortisone and aspirin.
EMERGENCY KITS If you buy a pre-made kit OPEN IT before you tuck it way. Most are missing essentials and have crappy quality flashlights, radios and tools. You’ll also want real food. I made most mine from scratch with lists that I found online with an old backpack and duffel bags.
http://www.bestconsumerreviews.com/emergency-survival-kit-reviews/
https://www.quakekare.com/emergency-survival-kits-c-1
At least 3 copies of important documents (home/work/car) of:
License
Debit Cards
Credit Cards
Passport
Health Ins
Birth Certificate
Social Security
3 Printed Lists (home/work/car) of:
Phones, policy and account numbers (family, friends, gas, power, internet, insurance, banks, etc.)
Addresses
* I also emailed it to myself
Have a plan with your family and neighbors Share routes to get to each other or to your meeting point
Have WhatsApp/SKYPE downloaded on phones in case lines in LA get tied up
Have an out of state contact so you can leave messages for family or friends
EARTHQUAKE PREPAREDNESS KITS:
Your PETS:
In an emergency the first thing I plan on doing is throwing my cat in a bag before she gets scared and hides. I have a really small duffel bag with all her supplies that would double as a litter box/bag with a trash bag as a liner. This is kept inside her carrying case in my bedroom closet.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002N7X7S0/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Towel
Leash
Toys
Dry food/Wet Food w a lid/ Snacks (a weeks worth)
Her pain medication
Extra zip lock bags/trash liners
BACKPACK Kept in my bedroom closet, which is where I plan to run to in an Earthquake. Everything is in zip lock bags small and large.
A copy of my important documents
A copy of my printed list of pertinent information
Change ATMs are down when power is out:
5’s, 1’s, quarters Amount: as much as you feel comfortable. I just put $50 but will up it when I can.
Water
6 ER Water Packets
2 Blue Water Cans
Food
1 ration bar
2 power bars
2 beef jerky bars
1 can of tuna opens w tab
1 can of food opens w tab
Booze/Weed/Cigs tough times call for doses of pleasure
Any Beloved Pictures
Book
Cards
https://www.amazon.com/Urban-Survival-Playing-Cards-powerful/dp/B00F9ISRPS
Pen/Pencil/Sharpie (I wrapped a few rolls of duck tape around my pens)
Phone Charger/Phone Cord
Extra Batteries
Face Mask
Work Gloves
Headlamp
Leatherman/Multi Tool
http://hiconsumption.com/2017/04/best-multi-tools/
Glow Stick/Candle (not necessary if you have flashlights)
Headlamp (not necessary, nice while doing activities or if your hands are full)
Extra Ziploc Bags/Trash Bags
Survival Canteen:
Army Surplus Store
Water Bottle
Flashlight
Lighter
Pocket Knife, Fork, Spoon, Cork Screw
5 in 1 Whistle (compass/waterproof matches/flint/signal mirror)
Carabineer
Emergency Blanket
Poncho
First Aid I made this with what I already had in the house and put it in a small ziplock
Aspirin
Alcohol Wipes
Aloe Gel/Neosporin
Band-Aids/ Liquid Bandage/Gauze Pads
Heat Warmers
Toiletries
Wipes (lots)
Tissue/Cotton Balls
Tampons/Diva Cup
Glasses/ Contact Case Solution
Toothbrush/Tooth paste
Shampoo/Soap/Lotion/Deodorant/Sunscreen/Chapstick/Hand Sanitizer
Sewing kit/Safety pins/Pockets Knife/Nail Clippers/Tweezers/Mirror
Small hand towel/travel towel
Clothes it saves room to roll up clothes like a burrito and pack in a large zip lock bag
COMFORTABLE WALKING SHOES by your bed. I have an old hiking shoe I put new insoles and laces on.
Hat
Flannel/Thermal
Tank
Tee
Shorts
Pants
3 pairs of socks
3 pairs of Underwear
DUFFEL BAG W WHEELS
Food Canned food, trail mix, bars, MRE to last a week
Work Gloves
Heavy Mask
Paracord
Duck Tape
Can Opener
Poncho
Heat Blanket
Tube Tent
Flashlight
Lantern
First Aid Kit bought mine online from AAA
Added:
Neosporin
Cortisone
Aspirin
Water Purification Tablets
Rehydration Tablets
Weather/Radio Most Ive researched online are all flawed. Either the solar panel doesn’t charge, the rechargeable battery wont hold a charge or the hand crank breaks. I think its best to find one that also works on good ol batteries. DO NOT store equipment with the batteries assembled, they could leak.
http://weatherstationexpert.com/best-weather-radio-reviews/
Pliers
Wrench
3-1 tool: keep in mind you might need to know how and where to turn off gas and power lines
Power Sources
Extra rechargeable batteries (I’ve read Sanyo is best)
Extra AA, AAA and D batteries
Solar Panel (Id like this for Christmas) These are some of the only ones that can charge solely by the sun. Most need to be pre-charged and charged on a regular basis.
https://www.suntactics.com/online-store/sCharger-8-Solar-Charger-p71734898
Battery Charger (I don’t have this)
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00PZ6V99U/ref=ox_sc_act_title_3?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=A35SJ01KP6YSIS
Power Center (I don’t have this)
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01LYJFEBI/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=A1SHCI3FCR7XSY
ADDED EQUIPMENT TO CONSIDER
Fire extinguisher (I don’t have this-yet)
Grill/Camp Stove
Mess Kit: Plates/Cups/Pans/Utensils
Sleeping Bag /Blankets
KIT FOR CAR/WORK My sister bought me a pre-made kit that I added onto.
A copy of my important documents
A copy of my printed list of pertinent information
Map of Los Angeles I still have my old Thomas Guide circa 2005
6 pack of Blue Water Can
Water Bottle
Real Food
2 cans of food that open w a tab
2 granola bars
2 beef jerky
Pocket Knife
All-in-1 utensil
Leatherman/Multi tool
Better quality flashlight
Wipes
Toilet Paper
Toiletries
Sunscreen
Contact solution
Lotion
Tampons/Diva Cup
I still need to add: shoes and a change of clothes
First Aid Kit
Right on time, almost. A year later.
I've been practicing the slow down. Scanning my body to feel where my body is tight from stressors that are most times unnecessary. I ask why? Then I work on releasing. Grace.
I feel the worry of my future in terms of my career fade. I feel trust. I feel the courage to step into spaces that are daunting without the endgame. I feel as though I will overcome but if I fail I will try again with discipline. I feel patience. I feel my purpose acutely redefined. I feel my womanhood. I feel proud.
I feel when my mind pushes my thoughts and heart into its habitual dark. I feel when I summon my power to practice my dance back into the light. I feel the fear of losing my loved ones grow. I ignore it until it hits me hard in the slow moments like when I wash dishes. I feel the yearn the desire the dream of my man my partner my love. I feel the physical fight to keep my heart open. It's been so long since its felt a flutter. I feel my hips tighten. I feel I must stay in love for us to meet.
I feel it all wavering, as it should. I feel I need to tap out and go on a journey outside of this reality. My tender heart allows tears to flow with such ease that I have intentionally worked on balancing my emotions. I feel I've done well. I feel ecstatic. I feel like I need to drink more water.